44986

Joke of the Day

"GENIE: you have three wishes ME: make math go away GENIE: ha ok that one's on the house ME: oh so I still get three wishes? GENIE: huh?"

"a bird doesnt sing becuase it has an answer. it sings becuase birds are jerks who like to hear the sound of their own voice"

"What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and the Queen? Killed in a tunnel."

"JOB REQUIREMENTS: Must have a college degree. Must have 5 years experience. Must have volunteered as tribute and won the 74th Hunger Games."

"Soviet dating advice Stop stalin, do not russian to things, putin an effort"

"Why did Admiral Ackbar spend his entire Hawaiian vacation thinking he was about to get suicide-bombed? Brown people kept approaching him saying, ""Aloha, Ackbar!"""

"A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg... I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man. That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!"

"What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They both have the same middle name."

"i take valium & viagra so if i dont get a fuck i dont give a fuck"

"What do you call graveyard shenanigans? Tombfoolery."