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Joke of the Day

"A man has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness... Man: ""So Doc, how long have I got to live?"" Doctor: ""Seven..."" Man: ""Seven? Seven what? Years? Months?"" Doctor: ""Six... Five..."""

"What do you call an Asian lady with one leg longer than the other?? Irene"

"CNN admits to dating Fox News."

"The ex says he's come into some money and can finally ""take care"" of me. Wait...he's gonna have me killed isn't he?"

"Save your little napkin, bartender. I don't plan on having this drink long enough to set it down."

"In 5th grade I had to do a report on Ben Franklin and my parents interpreted it as me liking him so my 11th birthday was Ben Franklin themed"

"Woke up with a hangover to the sound of my neighbor cutting the grass. He can cut around me, I'm not movin'."

"How do you fit an elephant in the subway? You take the letter ""S"" out of ""sub"", and the letter ""F"" out of ""way""."

"I often wonder if idiots who rush to be first in the boarding line know that the plane is going to leave at the same time for all of us."

"Knock knock Shoes there. Must be the invisible man."