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Joke of the Day

"How do you fit an elephant in the subway? You take the letter ""S"" out of ""sub"", and the letter ""F"" out of ""way""."

"Cops are like women. Can't live with them, can't live without them. And they're a bunch of pussies."

"What's the difference between Hitler and a marathon runner? The marathon runner can successfully finish a race"

"How come Landscapers have huge loads? They are always edging."

"A guy said he fantasizes about me in a bathtub filled with Big Mac sauce and I said YOU'RE DISGUSTING AND DISTURBED and see you at 8, Brian."

"Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? ... There was nothing left but de Brie."

"We attract people who are reflections of ourselves. So beware of anyone who wants to be with you when you're an emotional wreck."

"We don't need a Voting Rights Act. If we just give all the votes to rich people, then democracy will just trickle down to everyone else."

"A one-liner based on what happened to me at work. An insect landed in my beverage, now I'm feeling a bit fly-tea."

"The CEO of Nutella has died. A memorial dinner will be served straight from the jar, over the sink at midnight."