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Joke of the Day

"""Do it!"" Nah, I don't wanna. ""Come on, man!"" No way. ""It'll be fun!"" I don't know... ""Do it for the Vine!"" Oh alright. *Hitler invades Poland*"

"My friend told me I didn't know the meaning of 'ironic', which was ironic because we were at a train station."

"What's the worst part about shaking a one-armed man? You know that's his masturbating hand"

"How do you know when your roommate is gay? When his dick tastes like shit."

"I've just got my own valet and found people treat you completely differently. He's opened a lot of doors for me."

"My wife and I only went out for 5 months before we got married. We just knew... That she was pregnant."

"43 Hacks That Will Help You Cut Down a Christmas Tree"

"I wasn't going to have a cardiac transplant But then I had a change of heart"

"Me: You won't believe the dream I had last night! I slapped you in the face with a hot pizza. Him: M: *looks down* *sees pepperoni all over*"

"Imagine a buffet for the Gods... there's food for Thor."