193914

Joke of the Day

"I always knew I'd end up drunk in a gutter. I just didn't expect everyone around me to keep bowling."

"You don't need to use your words if you're carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out."

"How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words."

"how to dismiss awkward boners ""Don't worry about him...he's a real dick"""

"What do you call a dachshund with no hind legs and balls of steel? Sparky."

"Are you alone? Afraid? Lonely? Then you'd better turn up the TV because I just heard a noise"

"Editor: You wrote a play about Victorian England using menstrual blood as ink? Me: Yes, it's a period piece."

"My Facebook friends fall into 3 categories: vaguely remember, don't remember at all, or never want to speak to for the rest of my life."

"I think the 2016 Cubs would beat the 1908 Cubs. First, the 1908 Cubs are all dead. Second, the 2016 Cubs are all alive."

"Me: I wish Inigo Montoya appeared everytime ""literally"" is misused and did his ""You keep saying that word"" bit Genie: That ones on the house"