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Joke of the Day

"Q: How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents? A: He's the stiff one."

"What do Muslim men do during foreplay? Tickle the goat under the chin."

"You know you're not a Harry Potter fan if: you think a parcel-tongue is someone who can speak to packages."

"What did the politician with a cold talk about at his meeting? The important tissues. (I know it sucks, I just made it up)"

"Apparently saying, ""Oh, I just came to watch"" makes everyone else uncomfortable in the Pilates class."

"The best part of working out is the sweating and the pain and the feeling bad about myself and the burning desire to die"

"Whenever I tell someone I'm Russian they tell me to slow down."

"School report My hot history teacher told me I have to give her a one on one report on 'deep throat'. Long story short I got expelled and btw what the fuck is 'watergate'?!?!?!"

"What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener."

"I'm going to go to the gym and then to eat a Doritos Loco Taco, because I like to keep my body guessing whether or not I hate it."