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Joke of the Day

"Apparently saying, ""Oh, I just came to watch"" makes everyone else uncomfortable in the Pilates class."

"What's a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet"

"If we got paid for how many tweets we put out, some of you would be millionaires in mansions. I'd be living in Government Assisted Housing."

"Did you hear about the arms dealer who's giving away M18 Claymores with every purchase? Oh, I'm gonna get mines."

"What's the difference between 1998 and 2016? Hillary Clinton is the punch line this time"

"What did Cesar say when the people of Rome wanted to re-empower the Tribune? Oh, Plebes."

"Fortune Teller I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl named Penny - is that spooky or what?"

"Conjunctivitis.com That's a site for sore eyes"

"Hey, did you guys know you can do just about anything if you use asterisks? *rides T-Rex off into the sunset*"

"What do you get when you cross a fag and a dairy farm? A Dairy Queen"