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Joke of the Day

"The best part of working out is the sweating and the pain and the feeling bad about myself and the burning desire to die"

"You show me a migraine and I'll show you a real pain in the neck"

"Two owls were playing pool. One said ""Two hits."" The other replied ""Two hits to who?"""

"[airport] For $800 more you can upgrade to Arctic Class What's that? Same as coach but the flight staff is penguins [slaps table] SOLD"

"What do you call a black person that flys an airplane? A pilot you racist bastard"

"Remember when we cried as kids and our parents said, ""I'll give you something to cry about"" We thought they were going to hit us but instead they destroyed the housing market."

"Due to the weather, I was able to use the words ""wet and slippery"" at work all day without anyone thinking I'm a big perv."

"What do you call weaponized sushi? A combat roll"

"Heading out for drinks, bail money's on top of the fridge."

"- Dad, can I borrow 10 pounds? - 15 pounds? Why do you need 20 pounds?"