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Joke of the Day

"[finding a secret passage in my NYC-apartment that leads to a corpse-filled torture dungeon] HOLY SHIT LOOK AT ALL THIS EXTRA SPACE I HAVE!"

"What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable ? A common tater !"

"What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved."

"My WD-40 can rusted. Now that's irony."

"A robot walks into a bar, orders a drink, and lays down some cash. The bartender says, ""we don't serve robots."" The robot replies, ""oh, but some day you will."""

"How do we know God isn't black? Because then he would've said ""I is who I is"""

"ME: Is this Babies R Us CASHIER: Yes ME: No babies work here C: I know ME: It should be called Babies Were US C: ... ME: Get me your manager"

"How many clones of president Obama does it take to change a lightbulb? What a stupid question: Obama won't change jack shit."

"Bieber enacts law in Arizona that requires Iron Man to clean up oil spill using an iPad. #help #allmynewscomesfromtwitter"

"Where do sad Ukrainians go? Crimea River."