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Joke of the Day

"*watching husband sleep* Me: ""I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"" *husband snores* Me: ""I can't live like this."""

"You know why no one ever flunks out of Porn School? Everyone has to take a ""D"" on the final exam."

"Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar The bartender asked, ""why the long face?"""

"If I had a Dollar, If I had a dollar for every time a homeless person asked for change, I would still pretend to have not heard them."

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.95, Deer nuts are under a buck."

"What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians? A drummer."

"If a person were to give a speech about Mozart, where would they be most likely to do it? On the Dias On the Dias Oh Oh Oh, on the dais."

"[Me]: ""I have hat-like reflexes"" [You]: Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? [Me]: *sitting on top of your head* ""Nope"""

"My driving teacher asked me where the gas is. Second door on the right."

"A boomerang walks into a bar... Bartender says, ""Hey, I thought I threw you out of here!"""