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Joke of the Day

"If I had a Dollar, If I had a dollar for every time a homeless person asked for change, I would still pretend to have not heard them."

"Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was"

"COW: I'm constipated DR DOG: when was ur last bowel moooo-vement lol C: ur doing puns right now? DD: gonna milk this for all its worth lmao"

"I once went on a date with a playwright It was all going well, until she started making a scene"

"I was talking to a North African girl in her native language for hours. We just clicked."

"I'm writing a book about futurology. It's coming soon."

"Me: I like how you dyed all the meat green for St. Patrick's Day. Chipotle manager: It's St. Patrick's Day?"

"Me: ""I came to Twitter to be creative and express myself."" Twitter: lol, you said ""came""."

"I'm so dependent on the google ""did you mean ____?"" that i barely bother to spell anything even remotely correctly"

"What does Bill Gates call his manhood? Microsoft."