53881

Joke of the Day

"Where's my cell? ""Right there."" That's not my phone. ""Yes it is. I cleaned it!"" My cell's white?"

"Dad joke Do any of you, when going poop, say ""Get out of me you piece of shit!"" And then chuckle cuz it's a literal piece of shit?"

"""please human with me"" - bear"

"What did Matthew McConaughey say about Steve Bannon's followers? They're alt-right, alt-right, alt-right."

"What caveman say when he get hurt? meow."

"I was in a cafe the other day when I overheard this: ""Can you please stop listening to our conversation?"""

"Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour."

"Loneliness can make you do some strange people."

"If gravity were a person... He'd be pretty down to earth."

"What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? You can't violin with the electric meter"