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Joke of the Day

"Funny teacher responses to ""Can I go to the bathroom?"" Forget the classic ""I don't know, can you?"""

"funny how people who earn philosophy degrees probably at some point ask themselves ""why did i do this"""

"My girlfriend and I have an intimate relationship, but she got upset when I was using her toothbrush. So I just said 'Hey, if YOU have a better way to get dogshit out of sneakers...'"

"You can titillate an ocelot if you... ...oscillate its tit a lot!"

"Harry Potter can't tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best mate. They're both cauldron."

"Cop:alright now repeat after me Me:repeat after me C:no not yet M:no not yet C:stop M:stop C:put your hands in the air M:put your h.."

"Aggressiveness is in the eye of the beholder. Until he punches you in the face. Then aggressiveness is inbetween the eyes of the beholder."

"My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight... She needs to lighten up."

"How do you spot a egocentric vocalist? They warm up singing, 'Mi, mi, mi.... Mi!'"

"What do 9/10 people enjoy? Gangrape"