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Joke of the Day

"Aggressiveness is in the eye of the beholder. Until he punches you in the face. Then aggressiveness is inbetween the eyes of the beholder."

"You would be surprised at how many people will run if you yell ""ITS A TRAP"" and run in a random direction"

"I found Zoloft delays my orgasm Ey, Jack, you late."

"There are 2 types of people in this world: Those who pee in the shower... And stinkin' LIARS!"

"A scientific joke Q: Why are Curium, Helium, and Barium the medical elements? A: Because if you can't Curium or Helium them, you Barium!"

"What do you call an agreeable neighbor? ....a yaybor."

"I'm tired of the Mexicans naming their sons Jesus Jesus was not a Mexican, he was a human being. (Please forgive me)"

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was."

"If someone won't lift a finger to call you, see you or spend time with you then it's time for you to lift five fingers and wave goodbye."

"[texting] ME: I like you, I think you're cute MY CRUSH: oh um ME: HAHAHA omg my dog was chewing on my phone lol how did he type that"