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Joke of the Day

"Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome."

"How many pregnant women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. She holds it while the world revolves around her."

"I went to see a theatrical piece about puns last night it was a play on words"

"I'm definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit."

"I'm well versed in Mexico's version of Judo. Judo know if I got a knife... Judo know if I got a gun..."

"Promised myself that today I wouldn't steal anything, kill anyone or use any Meatloaf song lyrics in a sentence & two out of three ain't bad"

"Hi, I'm black and I can't stand the stereotype that we are all criminals. -Sent from your iPhone"

"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"i bet you spend all your money pizza and hookers. Pssh Dad, i dont spend money on pizza thats ridiculous."

"The length of time toddlers stare at each other on the playground would get you stabbed if you did that shit as an adult."