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Joke of the Day

"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"What did one leper say to another? Got yer nose!"

"""Take it from the top, but do it a bit more boring and awful this time."" --Coldplay's Producer"

"Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?"

"Two friends were walking by the ballet museum... When one points and asks his friend, ""Is that statue a foot?"" To which his friend replies, ""No, it's about four and a half feet."""

"Why did the restaurant fire the pansexual? Because he kept fucking the cookware."

"Emergency Landing: Gary thank god you picked up! Hey remember when you said if I needed a place to crash I cou- hold on... *to copilot* STOP CRYING, GARY WILL HELP"

"My dishwasher has racks on racks I'm not talking about the machine"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had long since succumbed to Stockholm syndrome and was actively engaging with their captors."

"Do you want to hear a powerball joke? Sorry, odds are you won't get it."