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Joke of the Day

"*seductively tries to take off sock with his other foot*"

"My wife's posted picture she took of me in the shower didn't go viral... Ain't no big thing."

"Remember that time you thought you were more important than everyone else? Turn back, this was a click wasted"

"How do you get a homosexual man to have sex with a woman? Shit in her cunt"

"What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven!"

"Why didn't the rock make it to work today? He was stoned"

"Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil? Because that would be a sin-tax issue."

"Could somebody please explain ""free range"" eggs? These chickens aren't even born yet. I'd kind of rather they be stationary."

"Whoever made the almond-milk carton the exact same shape as the chicken-broth carton should have to eat this cereal."

"Okay, raise your hand if you put raisins in your oatmeal cookies. Great. Now, make a fist with that hand & punch yourself in the face."