72983

Joke of the Day

"Whoever made the almond-milk carton the exact same shape as the chicken-broth carton should have to eat this cereal."

"My friend used the term ""bad ass"" for diarrhea. ""You're badass."" ""I'm... diarrhea?"" ""No I meant you are the shit, man."" ""WHAT???"""

"Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?"

"Million Dollar Idea: A pot pie. Only bigger. And filled instead with fruit. Apples perhaps."

"Hell: A place where all of the wine and liquor bottles have holes on the bottom... ...and the women don't."

"A jumper cable walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""I'll serve you, but don't start anything."""

"What's the difference in Xbox One and your mother? I genuinely care about your mother."

"How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size? In square feet."

"What type of fighting technique do amputees practice? Partial arts."

"Where do the good guys go? The friend zone..."