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Joke of the Day

"A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''"

"Someone is selling a rot iron table on Craigslist ..wonder If they would trade for a dictionary"

"So my dad gathered all of us kids together and said ""Now I'm only going to say this once!"" .... then turned and walked away."

"Want to hear a joke???? Women's rights"

"Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and they will never notice. Call her ugly once and she'll never forget. Because elephants never forget."

"My neighbors thought the tombstones in my yard were festive until they saw their pets' names scrawled on them."

"Why are you walking like that? ""Number one, I crashed my bike yesterday morning, and number two "" edit: grammar fix"

"hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it"

"I'm not saying my wife's a snob but even her colostomy bag is a Louis Vuitton."

"Did you know that a person born under caesarean section is not eligble to run for presidency? Yeah, they're not a natural-born citizen."