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Joke of the Day

"Remember: You are like a snowflake. Beautiful. Unique. White. Only here for a short time. People get mad when you sit on their cars."

"It's cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can't even dress the kids properly."

"What's the best thing about duct tape? It turns ""No no no!"" Into ""Mmm mmm mmm!"""

"This week in Nascar it all comes down to one race... The Caucasians."

"What did the mermaid wear to her math class? An algae bra."

"When ur at chipotle n u ask for guac and they say ""its extra is that ok?"" if u say its not ok they give it to u for free"

"I recently switched to an all Middle Eastern diet and can't say I recommend it I falafel."

"Cliffhangers I like cliffhangers, and I cannot"

"What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose."

"Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine as is the coming home bit too but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!"