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Joke of the Day

"You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body."

"I hurt my neck sleeping on a pillow that was too fluffy. My body is not meant for this world."

"So... Do you like dragons? You do? Good. Cause I am gonna be draggin' my balls across your face. Someone at work told me this and I couldn't stop laughing."

"Doctor how do I stop my nose from running?! Stick your foot out and trip it up!"

"Have you heard the joke about the bed? No. It hasn't been made up yet!"

"Why do French tanks come equipped with rearview mirrors? So they can see the battle."

"Did you hear about the movie with the Red Tractor? The trailer was better"

"What's the difference between a penis and a Christmas present? You wrap the present *after* you put it in the box."

"Why doesn't George R.R. Martin have Twitter? Because he would just kill off all 140 characters."

"Don't bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible."