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Joke of the Day

"Why are gay guys good helpers when moving? They know how to pack your shit."

"Whats the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits till you're 12 to come on your face"

"Who writes hit musicals on the Internet? Andrew Lloyd Webber."

"What's red and invisible? No tomatoes"

"What do you call a tube with a degree? A graduated cylinder."

"Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? Because he heard the Ref was blowing fowls!"

"I'm selling my talking parrot..... Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me."

"[on a speed date] USUALLY I PREFER COCAINE BUT WOW"

"This is no place for memorials, petitions, or any of that emotional shit."

"If you can't handle me at my worst then I should probably pull myself together and be considerate of others."