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Joke of the Day

"[on a speed date] USUALLY I PREFER COCAINE BUT WOW"

"Nobody thinks my march madness bracket will win I just can't see why people would dismiss a team that beat professional organizations last year. I say Golden State all the way."

"What do you call a police woman who shaves? Cunt Stubble."

"Been rubbing this thing on my carpet for 2 hours and still nothing. How the hell do you recharge a smart car?"

"Hamster joke There is a boy, he owns a hamster. What does the hamster eat? Ham."

"(NSFW) My girlfriend dumped me because I couldn't give her the 12 inches she deserved.. I told that bitch ""I don't cut 2 inches off for anybody!"""

"A tombstone that has a scrolling LED marquee of your greatest tweets."

"When someone on the bus wants your seat, what should you say? If you were me, will you let me have your seat? If he answer no, don't let him sit. If he answer yes, you don't even need to move."

"""Mommy, mommy, I don't wanna see grandma!"" ""Shut up and keep digging!"""

"Johnny Depp's wife of just over a year Filed for Divorce today... With NO prenup...She is gonna get soooooo many bracelets."