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Joke of the Day

"When I get in a crowded elevator I can't stop myself from trying to guess everybody's weight."

"When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face..."

"I stopped drinking and sleeping around Shit got too gonorreal"

"What do you call a bear with martial arts skills? Grizz Lee. ^I'll ^see ^myself ^out."

"you know its cold out... when you go outside, and its cold out. (tried this in /r/antijokes , thought the rest of the joke world might appreciate)"

"Hark work never killed anybody But why take the risk."

"My girlfriend's father got mad that I proposed to her without asking him first but there's just no way I would ever marry that guy."

"I crossed the road, walked into a bar and changed a light bulb Then I realized my life is a joke..."

"What do you call a Mexican who has had his car stolen? Carlos"

"Why did Superman dump Lois for Wonder Woman? He decided he wanted to date someone in the same League."