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Joke of the Day

"Why do kids hate Steven Hawking? They don't like their vegetables."

"Why am I still hearing noises from the class? Because you still have ears, teacher."

".@LAPD My wife made hazelnut ""coffee"" with my coffee maker. Send all available units."

"I'm sorry I put a collar on your baby. I thought it was a Pug."

"Never trust an atom. Actually, it's probably fine. They only make up about 4% of everything."

"I mailed my letter to Santa today. It was an index card that said ""not AIDS."""

"Dolphins don't do anything by accident.. Always on porpoise."

"Sex is like a key and a lock. If a lock can be opened by any key, it's useless. If a key can open any lock, that is a good fucking key."

"What's another way to describe a contradicktion? A logical phallusy!"

"How do you find out if the cat is dead or alive in the Schrodinger's cat paradox? By thinking outside the box"