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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry I put a collar on your baby. I thought it was a Pug."

"When things are bad, remember: At least you're not as big an asshole as the guy who invented putting walnuts in chocolate chip cookies."

"Why couldn't the little mermaid get into college? Her GPA was unda da C."

"A monster walked into the council rent office with a $5 note stuck in one ear and a $10 note in the other. You see he was $15 in arrears."

"What does a former terrorist playboy say to the officer interrogating him? ""Look, officer, I may be wearing a turban, and I may have a gun on me, but I ain't Bin Laiden years!"""

"What Did The Idiot's Friend Say To The Other Idiot's Friend, After The Idiot Lit Herself On Fire? She's Bright..."

"What does a horny frog say? Rubbit. Stole this from a friend."

"Where did socially awkward Nazis get sent? To the conversation camp! (That was a part of my shower thoughts and popped spontaneously into my mind)"

"What is the difference between an oil painting and Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang an oil painting."

"Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are to star in a new film, a murder mystery set at a music festival. It's a Whodunnit."