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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: What's so funny M: Twitter Cw: Oh! I'm on there, what's your @ M: I meant twizzlers.. Cw: You're looking at your phone. M:..."

"DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance."

"Why do thugs play basketball? Because it teaches them to shoot, run and steal."

"Did you hear they are trucking tons of coal to Mt. Rushmore? There going to add Obama."

"My girlfriend asked if she would be able to make a living by being a stripper... I told her it was probably a bit too risque."

"I won't do standup right now... Let me wipe my ass first."

"""the pizza boy is here"" It's time, I thought, cocking my shotgun. I was sending this half pizza half man abomination straight back to hell"

"What do you get when you combine a dill pickle and a doughnut? a dildo"

"So apparently a neighborhood watch is not watching bad stuff happen to your neighbor's home & then taking a nap"

"I don't know why people get embarrassed when they take a magazine to the toilet, you should see the looks I get when I take my plunger."