192004

Joke of the Day

"Wife: What are you gonna do today? Me: Shower. W: ...what else? M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower."

"I'm as useless as the top two buttons on a Greek mans dress shirt."

"I went to the shop to buy 5 eggs, therefore I went back to the shop to buy another egg"

"Shout out to those who can't hear good"

"If someone overtakes me when I'm walking, I match their speed so it looks like I've got friends."

"yo mama is so fat she can sit on a t3 cable and make the internet traffic slow right down to 1 bit per day."

"I remember when my mother would tuck me in She really wanted a daughter (taken from a front page meme)"

"When did 888 equal zero???? When Eight ate eight"

"Don't forget to wear sunscreen if you go to an outdoor Bernie rally Or else you'll be peeling the burn."

"Why do people like amputee porn? It fucking stumps me."