192004

Joke of the Day

"Wife: What are you gonna do today? Me: Shower. W: ...what else? M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower."

"What is a prostitute's favorite region of America? The Bayou"

"Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A: Because the chicken wasn't invented yet."

"A wife is like a boomerang the harder you throw the faster she comes back."

"An Irishman walks out of a bar... ..."

"What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt. ....... Ba dum chhhh!"

"A bear walks into a bar and asks the barman: ""Can I have a beer...................Please?"" The barman replies: ""Sure, but why the massive paws?"" Edit: Paws not pause"

"I decided to treat my girlfriend, but she ended up dying... Apparently ""cancer"" is best left to ""medical professionals"""

"HIPSTER COP: *into radio* ""We've got a 13-88 in progress...it's a pretty rare crime, you probably wouldn't know it"""

"My out-of-office voicemail greeting is just a solid three minutes of dry heaving."