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Joke of the Day

"My out-of-office voicemail greeting is just a solid three minutes of dry heaving."

"A blind guy walks into a bar... And into a table.. and a chair..."

"A son asks his father, ""Dad, what does gay mean?"". ""Son, gay means happy"", the father replies. ""Dad, are you gay?"" ""No, son, I'm married to your mother"""

"*at Starbucks* ""Ya I'll have the medium roast please"" *Barista insults him a lot but not too much*"

"How to you make an octopus laugh? ...you give it ten tickles"

"2 monkeys in the bath. One says to the other... ""Ooh ah ah ah uh uh ooh ah ah ah ah aaah"" The other says... ""Do you want me to put some more cold in?"""

"Talking to my friend about how useless I am with ladies... Me: ""I even had to stand on a damn ladder yesterday just to kiss my date goodnight..."" Him: ""Wow, was she tall?"" ""No, she hung herself."""

"My wife is always like, ""You answer the door, I don't even have my bra on!"" and for that reason, I have stopped wearing a bra."

"I like my coffee how i like my women, Without a dick."

"What happened to the muslim critic? He blew everything out of proportion!"