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Joke of the Day
"The secret to success is to surround yourself with people that don't know you."
Next Joke
"Job interview What's your weakness?' Honesty.' I don't think honesty is a weakness.' I don't give a fuck what you think.'"
"[posing nude] ME: make sure to capture all of my body's contours DMV GUY: again, this is entirely inappropriate for a license photo"
"What type of pen does Lance Armstrong use? Uniball."
"I say ""parched"" so everyone knows I'm thirsty AND an asshole."
"So what going on with dead baby jokes? I think there dying off."
"I don't trust people with graph paper... They're always plotting something."
"Birds that have mating rituals... I bet they just wing it."
"Is milk the best workout supplement? No, whey man! (My first dad joke, im so proud!)"
"What do you get when you cross a stoner with a halo nerd? Masterchief"