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Joke of the Day

"What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet! "

"My CW just barked. Ok, it may have been a burp, but I'd like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked."

"For sale: one parachute. Only used once, never opened, slight stain."

"So, Apparently 'Human Centipede' Is Getting ANOTHER Sequel. 'Human Turducken'"

"""That Will Smith is a nice young man, I hope he wins Celebrity Apprentice."" No Grandma, that's Ben Carson and this is the Republican Debate"

"Why aren't there any ""old husband tales""? There are. They just get re-branded as ""logic"" and ""the truth""."

"Did you hear what they found in Justin Bieber's urine sample? Marijuana, prescription pills, alcohol, and Flintstones vitamins"

"How do you make Helen Keller cry? Turn the stool upside-down"

"Theory: The Winter Olympics were invented by the cowbell industry."

"Next year is going to be an odd one. credit goes to my dad."