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Joke of the Day

"""That Will Smith is a nice young man, I hope he wins Celebrity Apprentice."" No Grandma, that's Ben Carson and this is the Republican Debate"

"Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella? Fo Drizzle."

"When I say, ""No problem,"" I mean, ""YOU REMEMBER THIS FAVOR FOREVER."""

"What does a redneck and yeast have in common? They are both ""in-bread"" Downvote me to hell if you want. This is my only joke."

"Hey, the army. Camouflage your helicopters blue, not green. You're fucking welcome."

"A new study says vegetarians die younger than smokers, on average, so don't smoke your vegetables..."

"Being a penis is rough Your roommates are nuts, your neighbor is an ass hole, your best friend is a pussy, and your owner strangles you every night until you throw up!"

"What a time to be alive! Right now."

"[hardware store] Me: Let me do the talking. This is man stuff Wife: Fine Clerk: Can I help you? Me: I need a whacker thingy to hit nails"

"This guy was all like ""I think you've had enough beers for one night."" Then I'm all ""Fuck you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."""