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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a seagull that catches you sleeping? A baegull."

"At first I thought drag racing games would be difficult.. Turns out, they're pretty straight forward."

"Why are stock traders so good at sex? Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you."

"I'm celebrating 200 years of the buffalo. It's the bison-tennial!"

"Robert Pattinson said Kristen Stewart humiliated him. Then he added it was even more humiliating than being in Twilight."

"How many more times are my kids going to ask me if I know where something is before they realize they're asking the wrong parent?"

"Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track."

"Noah: A boat? God: Yes. Noah: Two of every animal? God: Yes. Noah: I have a better idea. God: What. Noah: Maybe don't kill everyone."

"How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? 2 one to change the light bulb, and the other to hold the peni-- I MEAN LADDER"

"What do classical musicians write before going shopping? A Chopin Lizst (shopping list)"