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Joke of the Day
"Agoraphobia I didn't go to my Agoraphobics Anonymous meeting today, obviously."
Next Joke
"I told my wife I lost 10 lbs in one hour ""No way. That's impossible!"" she said. ""Trust me,"" I said, ""I have no idea where our baby is."""
"[son hands me a picture he painted] Me: what's this Son: it's our house Me: have you ever actually looked at our house"
"I had some extra money laying around I was going to invest in quick sand... ...but the deal fell through."
"Whats the difference between the government and a stripper? Strippers don't rig their polls."
"What do you call someone who has blonde hair, blue eyes and worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster? A Pastafaryan."
"Did you hear about the guy who invented Knock-Knock jokes? He won the no bell prize!"
"A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says ""You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!"""
"What's the best part about dating a terminally ill cancer patient? They are their own birth control"
"According to Ron Burgundy... According to Ron Burgundy from *Anchorman*, people from San Diago are known as Sandiagons. Then what are people from Tampa called?"