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Joke of the Day

"The Very Hungry Caterpillar taught me that I can binge eat carbs and then take a two week nap and I'll become beautiful."

"Sorta miss my kid today. Guess it's true what they say about not knowing what you've got until you've sold it to a gypsy."

"""The Sun is dying. We need help"" the scientists are speechless. Cool Dad kicks in the door & removes his shades ""It's daylight savings time"""

"It's no fun when someone you're ignoring ignores you back."

"I want to be seen Especially before you slam that door into my face!"

"Why are sailors so impatient when they get on land? Because they're tired of waiting in the rhumb line."

"oh u love jesus ""with all of ur heart""? name 3 of his albums"

"I was going to get my certification to be an official Life Coach!... ...but I just never really got around to it."

"An Atheist, a Vegan and a Crossfitter walk into a bar I only know that because they told everyone all about it within 2 minutes... and again..and again."

"Packing to move is the probably the worst game of Tetris I've ever played."