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Joke of the Day

"Don't drink and drive. Unless you can totally handle it and people need to relax because you're fine."

"""His and hers"" gifts are the thoughtful choice for any wedding. The division of property goes so much more smoothly."

"[first date] ""So, I heard you work at the circus."" [shallows bread stick whole] Nope. ""You sure about that?"" [chewing on glass] Yup"

"This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder."

"My computer was singing hello.. Its a Dell."

"How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hehe... 'screw' Alternatively: 69, but everyone expects that one."

"Somebody asked if I wanted some salt. I was like ""Naaaaa"""

"How do you know a vocalist is at your door? She can't find the key and doesn't know where to come in."

"Your vagina is so dry... ...That Native Americans do rain dances around it."

"Guy tells a psychiatrist he has a fear of commitment. Psychiatrist says, ""There's no need to worry. I only do that in extreme cases."""