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Joke of the Day

"Japan won't get Fallout 4 until December 17th, but that's okay, they got the original fallout 70 years before us."

"You can learn a lot from a woman wielding a knife. For example, your top running speed."

"What's the difference between fucking you and 9/11? No one forgot about 9/11"

"[paddling silently along the amazon in 2-man kayak taking in it's beauty] *from behind me* you know they named this after a website"

"Stealing candy from your kids is awesome... ...because you can justify your actions by stating that candy is not healthy for them. It's a win-win."

"My wife got in the shower with me this morning. She said ""Mmm baby I want you to do bad things to me"". So I put shampoo in her eyes."

"What do you call Tinder for an amputee? Timber"

"For $100,000 I will come into your organization and evaluate whether the other consultants you're working with are idiots."

"When did the Gorillas start to picket the cookie factory? The day they started to manufacture animal crackers!"

"Why is a shooting star better than a hamburger? It's meteor."