203110

Joke of the Day

"[first date] Her: know what you're getting yet? Me: a burger and one of those coloring menus. Her: oh, you have a kid at home? Me: no."

"Finding out your ex has a bad life is like finding 100 $ in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face."

"What do you find up a clean nose? Finger-prints."

"I renewed my driver's license today and was asked if I wanted to be an organ donor. I declined but did offer to give them my old harmonica."

"when is it OK to spit a mexican woman in the face? when her stache is on fire!"

"A woman walks into a green grocers. She asks the man behind the counter for a cucumber. He asks her: ""Whole or sliced?"" She replies: ""I've got a fanny, not a fucking slot machine!"""

"Which scientist invented the nuclear powered floor cleaner? J. Robert Moppenheimer"

"Why do Angelina Jolie's shirts have such big pockets? For her lipstick :D (modified joke originally from Sickipedia)"

"Knock Knock... Who's there? I, diddup I, diddup who? You filthy bastard"

"Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I'm the jerk..."