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Joke of the Day

"You know what bothers me? When people assume you're homeless cause you're asleep on the street and your pants are gone.."

"Why didn't George RR Martin (GOT author) use Twitter? Because he killed all the 140 characters."

"[Heaven] Saint Peter: Welcome to the pearly gates! You're here early; you must be dying to get in! LOL Me: Too soon..."

"Why did the Titanic have a hard time getting a date? It couldn't break the ice."

"I'm a guy that loves to show a woman exactly what I like sexually. So I start off every first date with a 2-hour PowerPoint presentation."

"I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

"I know how the Force Awakens ends! Credits."

"Weird how the guys who say that don't see race always know the black-on-black crime statistics."

"""Jess is coming over"" ""Jess who indiscriminately murders people or-"" *Gets stabbed to death* ""Yes"""

"There's a cool sport called Volcano Diving..... You'll only do it once."