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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't George RR Martin (GOT author) use Twitter? Because he killed all the 140 characters."

"We're at the mall and noticed none of the kids can sit on Santa's lap. I'm not sure why, there's probably some Claus against it..."

"Teacher : Can't you retain anything in your head overnight ? Pupil : Of course I've had this cold in my head for two days !"

"Apparently I snore so loudly that I scare everyone in the car I'm driving."

"Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder."

"Startup idea: Toilet Paper App. Wipe your ass with your actual phone. Reusable."

"The freebie-jeebies That feeling you get when someone creepy buys you a drink without asking."

"When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask ""who's in charge of tossing the salads here?"" Then I frown & order the soup."

"What does 90 year old Pu$$y taste like? Depends..."

"*Pulls up to drive-thru window* ""Extra toilet paper please"" Do you mean napkins? ""Sure, whatever"""