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Joke of the Day

"[Heaven] Saint Peter: Welcome to the pearly gates! You're here early; you must be dying to get in! LOL Me: Too soon..."

"A lot of parents are asking questions about my baby cannon. Like ""Does it really fire babies?"" & ""Have you seen my son Jeff?"""

"If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then... ... you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily."

"If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason."

"Did you hear about that kid who claimed that his age was 2015? He was infact a *year* old."

"Whats blue and pretty on top, and brown and kind of a bummer in the bottom? The Mediterranean Sea."

"Just took a 70% lean meatloaf out of the oven, and now it's supposed to ""rest"" because in America even our food is fat and lazy."

"Who was the world's first carpenter? Eve. She made Adam's banana stand"

"What is a firefighter's favorite video game console? Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U HINT: Say it outloud"

"Contents of my wallet just spilled all over the cashier's counter, so embarrassing, spiders everywhere."