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Joke of the Day

"One time I made a snowman and gave him a cucumber nose. Carrot noses are the standard protocol but I'm what u would call a rebel."

"Not to brag but my son's friend said ""Your dad looks hot"" when I was cleaning the pool. She followed with ""Is that heat stroke?"" but still."

"my nana and bb8 i recently got the sphero bb8 and my nana asked 'what is that' 'its bb8' 'who?' 'a robot from star wars' 'oh, so is there a mouse in side it?'"

"I have the talent of getting tired without doing nothing."

"When I get Christmas cards with pictures of my friends' kids on them, I just draw dicks all over their faces and send them back."

"The King and I always have breakfast for dinner on Christmas Eve We call it Yule Brinner."

"I have all these jokes about unemployed people... But none of them work."

"What's the difference between math and meth? One of them ruins your life. The other's just meth."

"As of Nov 9, 2016, what will be the 2nd most populous state in America? Catatonic"

"I was asked to give a talk about ignorance... ...but I don't know anything about it."