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Joke of the Day

"What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an arsehole [insert name of political opponent here]'s tie"

"Grapes for breakfast it is! Beautiful, fermented, aged, liquified grapes."

"I see dead people. No wait, I take that back. I see people I want dead."

"A CW pronounces both ""r""s in February, both ""d""s in Wednesday and has just told me the ""correct"" way to say segue. Please send weapons."

"WIFE: Carol's hubby gives her flowers EVERY day. I'd LOVE u to do that ME: Ok [next day] ME [giving Carol flowers] No I don't get it either"

"What comes after the third car? The ford car."

"Me to my Boss: Excuse me, sir, can I ask a stupid question. Boss: Better than anyone else I know..."

"This Male Order Bride is the worst and most expensive typo I've ever paid for."

"I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket."

"Why shouldn't you give a Western feminist the first serving of a fruit cocktail? Because they'll just pick out all the cherries."