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Joke of the Day

"Judge: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand? A: Yes Judge: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995? A: Oral."

"-911 Whats the emergency? My wife is suffocating me -Literally or figuratively sir? Well thats a stupid question. How would I be talking?"

"A teacher is always just one loud fart away from losing control of a classroom."

"What do Mexicans put under their carpet? Underlay! Underlay!"

"*wearing an apron and oven mitts* This is an old family recipe *I take a bag of M&Ms out of the freezer*"

"Felt like my car was going to blow over from this wind today. I feel bad for the smart cars that are probably stuck in trees."

"I was at my local home improvement store yesterday And I was looking in the window section. An employee came over and asked if I needed any help, I responded ""No thanks, I'm just window shopping."""

"Littlefoot walks into a petting zoo.. He's trying to find Ducky."

"Go to the attic. Use either the stairs or some second method. Do you choose the former or the ladder?"

"Yesterday I extinguished a colleague's cigarette at the office with a water pistol. Adds firefighter to resume"