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Joke of the Day

"[hunting] ""In order to attract the stag, I perform the special call"" [clears throat, cups hands round mouth] ""COME OVER HERE, ANTLER JERK"""

"What's the difference between falling 2 ft and 200 ft? 200 ft: Aaaaaaaaa, bump 2 ft: Bump, aaaaaaaaa (Yes, it's an old, really old joke. Surprisingly haven't seen it here, yet.)"

"Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves... Apparently they are a choking hazard."

"Whats the difference between a watermelon and baby? One's really fun to smash with a sledge-hammer and the other is just a watermelon"

"Facebook: My little man is the best thing that's ever happened to me! Twitter: Free baby. DM for details."

"The doctor said I may have a strained abdominal muscle which is cool because that means I have an abdominal muscle."

"neil diamond........ Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him."

"So TSA took a Buzz Lightyear toy off a child... I guess they thought it would say ""To infinity... and be-bombed"""

"I asked my brother if he has a fetish for rivers... He's in denial."

"I can build and fix small engines using only vomit, feces and rotted animals. Due to my gross motor skills."