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Joke of the Day

"If I had a time machine, sure I'd go back & kill Hitler, but first I'd pick up an ice cold Coca Cola Classic! (sponsored tweet)"

"I hope college lives up to the hype All my notebooks say ""college ruled"" so it must've been somewhat fun"

"Waiter: how did you two meet Me: this is actually a blind date W: *much louder* SORRY I SAID HOW DID YOU TWO MEET"

"My food pyramid is a cup of coffee sitting on a pack of cigarettes."

"What's angry, fluffy and destructive and gathers inside stringed instruments? Violint"

"A good way to let the audience know a character doesn't ""play by the rules"" is to name her Kat."

"What is the worst thing anyone can do to a blind man? Leave a plunger in the toilet!"

"I love being American. Just the other day I ate half my meal, got even fatter, then threw the rest away because f*ck starving people."

"Did you hear how high the offshore banker's salary is? I heard he makes boatloads."

"At first I didn't like having a beard, but it grew on me."