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Joke of the Day

"A man in Phoenix accidentally shot himself in the leg while in line at Walmart on Saturday. Or, as they call that in Arizona, ""taking a selfie."""

"I support Greenpeace because I care about environmental activism, just not enough to do any of the real work myself."

"Mike Tyson Mysteries is on Netflix now... Episode 1: case of the missing ear."

"""Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance"" -Alcohol"

"TIL that there is a subreddit dedicated to praising Nancy Grace for her contributions to modern medical science. LOL! Not really, no. She is a bad person, and should feel bad."

"On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About nine and three-quarters."

"Q: What does a king do when he burps? A: He issues a royal pardon."

"If my name was Rudolph Spermguzzler I would introduce myself like this: Hi, I'm Rudolph Spermguzzler, sorry if it's a bit of a mouthful."

"What is the best armor for sneaking? Leather, it's made of hide."

"My wife suffers from a case of constant halitosis... So I guess it's a good thing I'm hung like a TicTac."