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Joke of the Day

"A man in Phoenix accidentally shot himself in the leg while in line at Walmart on Saturday. Or, as they call that in Arizona, ""taking a selfie."""

"Just saw my ex saw the girl I had a crush on with her new fiance at Ikea but you know what they say, when God closes a Stras Innjrden he opens a Fonstrvivig"

"Pizza is a good argument against nihilism."

"I finally stopped the annoying noise in my car. I just opened the door and shoved her out."

"What did the kangaroo say when her baby was missing? Help! My pocket's been picked!"

"I ran into Harambe for the first time in a while last night, so we decided to go get a drink. Bartender: what'll you have? Harambe: I'll have a beer. Me: no, he'll have a shot."

"What will the first female Mexican head of state be called? The Precedent."

"Did you hear about the lady who ate her dog? She said it tasted like bark."

"My friend and I were talking about food and he said ""I'm not a big Chinese guy"" and I was like ""I know you're not"""

"They've just released a female version of Viagra. It's called Niagara."