190808

Joke of the Day

"""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing... Unless you're talking to someone at a funeral. Dimitri Martin"

"What are your best 'no arm, no legs' jokes? What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on his porch? Matt."

"I can't believe they're still together after all that crap... ""Who?"" Your butt cheeks."

"Texting for beginners: STFU = Shut the fuck up. LOL = Shut the fuck up. LMAO = Shut the fuck up. ROFL = Shut the fuck up."

"everybody gets their 15 minutes of fame - so here's my first original joke! why is it impossible to surprise a snowman? .. he has ice in the back of his head"

"Why did the elephant paint its nails red? So it could hide in the strawberry patch.... Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? No? See, it worked!"

"I hate that feeling when your iPod earbud accidentally gets ripped out of your ear and you want to murder someone with a hammer."

"Your Momma so fat when I download porn of her on the Internet I exceed my monthly data cap"

"Every time I'm at a friend's house I look at the ceiling & say ""You like to watch, don't you.."" so I look cool if they have a hidden spy cam"

"Make a fire with someone and they'll be warm for a night. Make a fire with someone and they'll be warm for the rest of their life."