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Joke of the Day

"Texting for beginners: STFU = Shut the fuck up. LOL = Shut the fuck up. LMAO = Shut the fuck up. ROFL = Shut the fuck up."

"We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself."

"I was working at the butchers yesterday and a man comes in looking for a small chicken. I asked him to describe it so we can look for it together."

"A married's man prayer Dear God, you gave me childhood and you took it away. You gave me youth and you took it away. You gave me a wife.......... Its been years now, just reminding you."

"I will be the first president who is openly mentally ill"

"When someone loves you a lot they will buy you a burrito even when you're not hungry so you can get fat and no one else will love you."

"What was the allergic 2""X4""'s terrifying hallucination? He sawdust."

"What do you say when you find two banana peels together? Answer: A pair of slipper"

"Women are just as sexist as men But just like everything else, men are just better at it."

"Dear diary, Sometimes it just seems like I can't tell if something is an inanimate object or a person My therapist: Yes that's quite clear"