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Joke of the Day

"Come on, terrorists. Stuff your pockets with colorful beads before exploding. It doesn't have to be ALL negative."

"Two old men sitting on a porch... There is a dog licking himself in the front yard. One old man says to the other, ""Man, I wish I could do that."" The other replies, ""That dog would bite you."""

"How Do You Start An African Rave? staple toast to the ceiling..."

"I wish Bill Clinton would stop pointing his finger at everyone, Lord knows where that finger has been. #DNC #DirtyPoonTang"

"I asked my friend if you could meet anyone living or dead, who would you choose? He said, ""Donald Trump, dead."""

"Why was the Robot angry at the engineer? Because he screwed his wife!"

"Me: nice car Friend: yeah 400 horsepower Me: that's like 7000 ducks Friend: what Me: what"

"I went for a run but came back home after 5 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes"

"Went into a restaurant and asked the waiter for a haramburger He said you can't have that...it's forbidden"

"Never correct my son when he calls Kanye West, ""Kenny West."""